Chapter 2 - Building Phases

Hmm, I don't know about this... this section came off more as a "How to Win Friends and Influence People" set of directions than a guide for a trainer. Chapter two is the most substantial of the chapters as it sets the stage for the exercises as the book continues, so I think I will break this chapter into two posts.

The chapter discusses how to build relationships with students - though it kind of expands that to include relationships with colleagues and even parents of students (with an eye towards K-12 educators). Mendex equates the relationship building process to that of a bank - making emotional deposits and building a nest egg of good will as time goes on. In the event of a conflict, you have a greater safety net to "withdraw" from if an issue arises.

I can see the value of this metaphor. I have a client I am working with right now who recently upgraded and has had some issues with the system. I think this could be a contentious issue in training, but we've had a long relationship at this point, and there is enough good will there that it seems to help resolve what has been a very frustrating issue on both sides.

Mendes talks about these emotional deposits in terms of bids - he cites a study that fruitful relationships were not necessarily built on emotionally deep conversations over time, but on the quality of the reaction to bids. Bids are essentially a "bid" for conversation, which can be met with acknowledgement (towards), disinterest (away), or hostility (against). Long story short - Mendes lists examples of how towards bids can be used to improve conversation amongst colleagues and students.  Those bids might be asking them about their interests, seeking opinions rather than lecturing, even meaningful use of small talk.

I think to so many articles from our readings in diversity book when I read this - how students are so easily marginalized because of any type of differences. Often, the sin of marginalization was accomplished simply by lack of communication and lack of support. The GLBT student who feels he cannot be him or herself, the female who felt uncomfortable speaking up, the child of color who found that white children get called on more - these are all examples of away and against bids that create a community of distrust.

I wish Mendes had expanded on ideas such as these in his book rather than talking in generalities because then I think facilitators might instantly see the greater application.