Chapter 4 exercises

From this point in the book, Mendes proposes a number of exercises with the implicit goal of enforcing a relationship with either the facilitator or with other students. In my current position, I don't think much of this is applicable, but I do think it could be that way in a differen tposition.

The exercises in this chapter are geared around pairing people up. I'll summarize the exercises briefly:

1. What's Up? - Pair people off and allow each participant to talk for 60 seconds about whatever crosses their mind. Each listener should note non-verbals, emotional "flavor" and content.

2. - Highs and Lows - This time each member discusses their highest high of the week and lowest low.

3. Walk & Talk - In this set-up, each pair goes outside for a ten minute walk to discuss a topic of their choosing. Mendes makes a really odd note how this is particularly helpful for males, who like movement, as if it weren't just as beneficial to women. So, ignoring that, movement was something we covered in 624 as a helpful factor in learning retention - engaging the body while learning is shown to be a cognitive trigger.

4. Animals, Plants, or Machines - This activity actually is more topic-focused, so I found it more currently relevant than the others - it asks each member of a pair to pick one of the three things to describe how they feel with a process they just learned. I thought about ways I might answer - in some classes, I think I was like an elevator - needing to stop at each floor and reflect before being able to move on.

5. 3 Question Focus - This might be useful for a group that meets on a regular basis - kind of a reflective and proactive process. The three questions - What did I learn yesterday?; What am I thankful for right now? ; What do I promise for today? - kind of a past/present/future review with a partner.

As far as technical training goes, I think the first two might be a good icebreaker within a group of students, and the last one might be a good closer for a session. I think #4 is a creative way to get at any issues a user might have.

Chapter 3: Grouping

This chapter focuses on how to group to people in such a way that emptying the cup happens naturally. In my own position, I am rarely working an entire classroom, so I didn’t find a lot of value here.  For other facilitators, it might be of value because it discusses a way of building relationships.

Solo grouping, Mendes points out, is best for reflective periods. During my experiential learning class, I remember our final day, each person was asked one by one to go out to a spot on a field, and reflect about our journey in the class over the past week. A perfect example and use of solo grouping.

Pairing – this is a good starter grouping. Each person is guaranteed to talk, and so it builds a comfort level helpful later for bigger grouping.

Triads – This came up in the experiential seminar as well. We were grouped in threes, and each person had a role in a guided walk exercise. One person was blindfolded, another person told them where to walk, and the third observed. We each took turns. Triads are good for skill rotation.

Quads – The previous pairs can now be joined together, and each person will have an “ally,” which whom they have developed a relationship.

5s and 6s – A greater cross-section – more potential for problem solving and creativity. In my experience, this is when the group can get too big as it’s easier for a person to blend into the scenery and avoid participation.

The chapter ends with a come-back protocol, something I saw Leann do in my instructional design course. We would break into groups and then regroup. These discussions were always proceeded by an explanation of how the regroup process works. Honestly, this whole discussion seems geared more for the K-12 instructor, who may have difficulty regaining order in a highly energized classroom. 

Chapter 2: The STEW Process

This book looks like it could be a quick read. I could probably get through it all in three or four hours, but I’m forcing myself to stop so I can digest it for this blog.As I’m looking through the pages ahead, it seems this book is mostly going to offer ideas for exercises to build relationships in a classroom. So, the “meat” seems to be mainly in this chapter as it kind of justifies through studies all the reasons for those exercises.

The second half of chapter two touches a lot of items – a brief discussion of maintaining relationships after the building phase which honestly comes off as banal (find commonalities, remember your emotions are contagious, etc.) The resolution phase is a little more interesting. The resolution phase is a little ill-defined, but Mendes seems mostly pre-occupied by using interactions to resolve/prevent conflict via the STEW process, which is this:

S – State the Facts

T – Tell your thoughts about an event

E – Emotion about that event

W – Express your wants and wishes. Welcome the other’s thoughts.

So, I’ll try an example from my own life, in how I could have applied this to my son last night:

Coby, I asked you to do your math homework on Monday night. You told me it was completed, but now I see you only answered one question (S). Homework is crucial to doing well on tests and getting a good math grade. (T) I’m concerned about your grade and disappointed you told me it was done when it wasn’t (E). I want us to be a team so that you do as well in class as you can. (W)

It took me about five minutes to think of that, so I don’t know if this STEW process is as off-the-cuff as the writer would have me believe. In reality, I was a lot less calm than that, but I suppose that’s the point of learning this process.  And he emphasis at the end,  the essential attributes in exchanging such as these – self-awareness, which is understanding your emotional response; self-management, which is managing that response, and interpersonal sensitivity, which is more empathetic understanding of another person’s thoughts and emotions.

All of this calls to mind Palmer’s “Student From Hell,” where Palmer grew increasingly frustrated with a student’s perceived disinterest. After talking to him, he realized that the student had overcome incredible obstacles financially and socially to even be in that classroom. He learned the emotions of the student in that classroom (like others) “are not brain-dead – they are full of fear.”

From this point on in the book, the chapters are more about activities and exercises than theory, so I’ll try to point out the items that most catch my interest. 

Chapter 2: Bids

I've already read ahead, but before I write about the next section, I thought Id circle back to bids. Since reading this, I've tried to be mindful of my interactions with others. I think of how often I provide away responses. My son might mention a youtube video he's watching, and I ask him about his homework instead. My co-worker comes to vent about an email he received and since I'm in the middle of something, I'm not fully engaged.

Just thinking about how these bids accumulate over time and how they are interpreted on both sides has been kind of eye-opening. So, I've tried not to take the small talk lightly.

Chapter 2 - Building Phases

Hmm, I don't know about this... this section came off more as a "How to Win Friends and Influence People" set of directions than a guide for a trainer. Chapter two is the most substantial of the chapters as it sets the stage for the exercises as the book continues, so I think I will break this chapter into two posts.

The chapter discusses how to build relationships with students - though it kind of expands that to include relationships with colleagues and even parents of students (with an eye towards K-12 educators). Mendex equates the relationship building process to that of a bank - making emotional deposits and building a nest egg of good will as time goes on. In the event of a conflict, you have a greater safety net to "withdraw" from if an issue arises.

I can see the value of this metaphor. I have a client I am working with right now who recently upgraded and has had some issues with the system. I think this could be a contentious issue in training, but we've had a long relationship at this point, and there is enough good will there that it seems to help resolve what has been a very frustrating issue on both sides.

Mendes talks about these emotional deposits in terms of bids - he cites a study that fruitful relationships were not necessarily built on emotionally deep conversations over time, but on the quality of the reaction to bids. Bids are essentially a "bid" for conversation, which can be met with acknowledgement (towards), disinterest (away), or hostility (against). Long story short - Mendes lists examples of how towards bids can be used to improve conversation amongst colleagues and students.  Those bids might be asking them about their interests, seeking opinions rather than lecturing, even meaningful use of small talk.

I think to so many articles from our readings in diversity book when I read this - how students are so easily marginalized because of any type of differences. Often, the sin of marginalization was accomplished simply by lack of communication and lack of support. The GLBT student who feels he cannot be him or herself, the female who felt uncomfortable speaking up, the child of color who found that white children get called on more - these are all examples of away and against bids that create a community of distrust.

I wish Mendes had expanded on ideas such as these in his book rather than talking in generalities because then I think facilitators might instantly see the greater application.

Chapter 1 - Welcome

I admit to approaching this book with a little trepidation as to its merits because I found so little about it online, but based on my colleague's suggestion, it sounded like it integrated well with some of my philosophies on education - and the introduction gives me hope that it will do that.

So what the heck does "emptying the cup" (EtC per the author) mean anyway? It refers to providing an avenue for discussion and learning. It means giving full attention to the subject at hand without bringing in baggage to the interaction. One example Mendes provides actually reminded me of Horton - when he presumed his learner's needs rather than working with them to determine what they needed - that kind of baggage - assumption of expertise is doubly harmful. On one hand, the learners might not get meaningful learning as an academic might be prone to assuming they own the knowledge, and on the facilitator's side, that assumption can lead to a resistance of learning. Emptying the cup is really about bringing a freshness to social encounters to prevent issues like these.

We are social creatures and and learning as Mendes, says is a social experience. Even in self-directed learning, the learner is getting their information from something another person created, so communication, verbal or written is still key. So what this book proposes to do is to provide tips and exercises focuses on building relationships between facilitator and learner. 

Beyond social connections, emotions can and do support or impede learning processes. When I think about Bloom's Taxonomy, even that lowest level - simple retention of facts is affected if in a unhealthy emotional state. Mendes refers to Maslow's hierarchy of needs - that people need to feel safe before progressing up the hierarchy - and in learning, the space the facilitator creates in harmonizing the relationship is critical.